I hate internet people

Yes, I hate people. All people. I especially hate stupid people. None of these compare to the hatred I feel for people on the internet. It is incomparable. Inconceivable, even. Yes, I do know what that word means.

So why do I hate internet people, you might be asking yourself? I'm glad you brought it up. Let me tell ya...

So I play World of Warcraft, as many of you know. I recently got one of my old work friends here in Tucson to play with me on my server, and have been having a grand old time. Her husband wants to play too, but since they only have one PC, he made a character on her account, seeing no sense in purchasing a full separate account until they had a second PC.

Now, I know that sharing accounts is forbidden in the game's EULA. I've known it for a very long time. Putting aside the idiocy inherent in forbidding family members from sharing an account, I understand why it was listed in the license agreement. Too many dumb people would give their account info to some jerk they don't know and, for some reason, trust, and then get all their shit stolen and run crying to Blizzard to give it all back to them. I understand they made a bad decision to just put a blanket ban on all account sharing to save themselves some irritation. I get all that.

With that said, I posted on the support board on WoW.com, as there was a tool implemented that allowed characters to be split off of one account and put on its own, new account. This was introduced after many people clamored for a way to move their characters they didn't want to lose onto their own account after having given the game a try and liking it. So in this way, Blizzard was creating revenue by allowing family members to try the game on their sibling's/husband's/cousin's account and then letting them have their own separate paying account.

I should have expected this, really I should. In the first 5 minutes of my reasonable and polite request to see if this functionality was still available, no less than a dozen fucking WoWnerds pounced on my post with amazingly arrogant, condescending replies informing me that my friend was violating the terms of service, should be banned, was being reported (how I don't know since no info was given), and that they should be ashamed for breaking the rules. All of this in a written tone that equates to how one would speak to either a 5 year old or a really, really stupid person.

I respond with a sarcastic "Thank you for the very unhelpful and irrelevant responses, I already knew of the Terms of Service. My question remains unanswered. Are you really so naive as to think that married couples don't share accounts? Or parents letting their kid play a character as a reward for good grades, etc.? Anyone who doesn't have anything useful to contribute, please go drink a gallon of bleach."

Immediately I'm bombarded with demands to "watch my tone" and threats of ban reports and such, all the while still telling me that my question was answered (not answered), and that I should be grateful that anyone deigned to respond at all given my hostile attitude. Really?Also, apparently everyone who responded was a perfect law-abiding citizen who would never share an account with their significant other because it's a bad thing.

It was at this time that a board MVP showed up (basically huge nerds with no lives that moderate official forums for free when they could apply for the position and actually get PAID to do it), who informs me that telling someone to drink bleach is considered a personal threat (For real? Is everyone in this country a fucking pussy?) and that I would have my posting privileges revoked. I had not posted on any WoW boards for several years for JUST THIS REASON. Please, do your worst.

So I figured in for a penny, in for a pound. Oh yeah, I don't respond to threats. I went out in a blaze of glory such as has not been seen on the intarwebs since the time I got a permanent IP ban from the Crossroads of Dereth forums for daring to call out the mods on their insane banhappy powertrip back in 2002. Sadly, I doubt anyone will read my epic denunciations of pathetic corporate cocksluts who parrot policy like dutiful slaves for a company they don't even work for.

It's the overwhelming arrogance and superiority that gets me. I realize this is the internet and therefore you are anonymous, but really? Do you really have to act like an incredibly huge asshole to anyone who asks a simple question, just to make yourself feel better about your pathetic, basement-dwelling life? Guess what, pal; at the end of the day, you're still a sad, fat, ugly piece of shit who can't get any pussy unless you go to a pet store. You aren't better than me. Enjoy working pro bono for a company that doesn't pay you and doesn't give two shits about your selfless devotion to their inane policies. I'll continue only working one job and getting paid well for it, thank you.

Death is only the beginning...