Birthday Dethday

And so, my birthday has arrived. 31. I definitely feel like an old curmudgeon, more often than not these days. Teenagers piss me off, and I can't go out for a night of drinks without having the next day off to recover. Ah, if only I knew 12 years ago what I know now...

As to the topic of teenagers pissing me off, I must say, the ones that aggravate me the most are those who play World of Warcraft. Yes, I do play this massive time-sink. It gives me something to do in my off hours besides drive around aimlessly and loiter around places I should not be loitering.

So I've been working on my paladin tank lately, since I miss being indestructible. As most who know me can attest to, I absolutely detest idiocy and lack of common sense. With that said, assume that you have a group of people about to draw the attention of a small group of epic monsters, say ogres or something equally dangerous. In said group you have one guy who wears fancy cloth robes and falls over dead if something sneezes on him, and another person who is essentially dressed in a mobile M1 Abrams suit. Which one would you rather have shouting at those ogres "Hey, come and get me you empty headed animal food trough wipers!" ?

Yeah, it didn't quite work out the way you would have guessed. I figure, since the squishy guy wants to pull the group, he obviously wants to try to tank it. Unfortunately, one of the bad guys gave him an exceptionally dirty look and he keeled over, dead. I took it from there and finished them off, and then something not so surprising happened. This failmage decides he's going to bitch me out for not saving his stupid ass in the most amazing way possible, complete with every racial slur in the book, ruminations on my sexual orientation, and other assorted tidbits that should never be repeated in polite company. Oh yes, and since I didn't come to his rescue, I'm obviously a stupid kid living in my mom's basement, weigh 300 pounds and jerkoff to gay porn. His words.

Of course I didn't argue with him. Give me some credit. I do enjoy a good argument now and again, but not when it's so painfully pointless. Everything I said would have gone right over his head and would be met with a "ur so stoopid moterfukr i bet u like littl bois". What I did do was kick him from the group just before the final boss fight just to give him that extra little kick in the ass and make it that much more angering. Everyone else in the group lauds me as a hero and we split up the loot, going our merry ways.

I join another group and we head into another dungeon, and what do you know, the failmage starts messaging me on another character, going through the same routine of questioning my parentage and assuming I'm black (again, bad words). I imagined him frothing at the mouth, red in the face, vein pulsating in his forehead, furiously typing out his hatred for all things better than him. I laughed, sent in a GM ticket and got him a nice little 3 day ban for my birthday. Here's hoping this timeout either sends him over the edge and he has an embolism, or he smartens the fuck up and starts acting like a normal person. Highly unlikely, but you never know.

Why do I tell you this long, involved tale full of ludicrousness and ridiculosity? I'm not sure. I think it's to demonstrate that on this, my 31st birthday, I have now completely lost touch with what American Youth thinks is acceptable, and I'm ok with that. I tell you what though, if I had a kid who acted and spoke like that you had better believe I would have beaten his ass black and blue with a 2x4 until he got the point. Parents these days are pretty much worthless, which is why I'm thankful mine are so awesome. Here's to you, Mom & Dad, on making an intelligent 31 year old man! Happy Birthday to me! :D

Death is only the beginning...