Seeing as how this endeavour is entitled "The Book of Heavy Metal", I figured now was as good a time as any to comment on the subject. Displeasing the Gods of Metal is something you never want to do. Ever.
I found out quite by accident today that the newest Amon Amarth album has just released, Surtur Rising, and was amazed that I hadn't heard about it at all. Of all the death metal bands that are out there, Amon Amarth is one of the best, simply because they play viking death metal and look like actual vikings. It's melodic too so it actually has a discernable musical quality to it, rather than the "scream your lungs out incoherently" brand of metal that is unfortunately so popular. The cover for their album Twilight of the Thunder God gives you an idea of just how epic they truly are.
With that said, there's only one other contemporary metal band that I like, and that is a sad commentary on the state of metal. Sure, the 80's are over but the metal from that era is STILL listened to and albums are still purchased to this day. People flock to 80's metal shows (whether it be the actual bands or a cover band that puts on a good show), and so many people still know the lyrics by heart to songs like Foolin', Still of the Night, and Separate Ways. Why then has the metal scene gone pretty much to shit?
Honestly, I don't know. I could say it's due to the pop music that keeps getting produced and stupid bitches like Britney Spears that draw people away from the metal (how I don't know, Britney is one of the dumbest fucking people I can think of), but that doesn't provide a direct cause as to the decline of metal. Granted, the rockstar lifestyle of the 80's is most definitely not desirable to any rational human being, but that doesn't stop people from wanting to be like them. So what is it? Why is there no band out there that can put out a vintage 80's sound?
The closest I've been able to find is a band from Vegas called Taking Dawn. I've been following them for about 5 years now and they just got signed to a record deal and have been touring for at least a year now. Their first album, Time to Burn, is exceptional and while it doesn't quite have that 80's arena rock sound, it's close enough. These guys have some great songs that really get you into it, guitar riffs that stick in your head and lyrics that you sing along to as loud as you can. The best part about this band is these guys always put the fans first, really nice guys who'll pose for pictures and sign autographs and breasts, and really put on a great show. You can tell they do it to have fun and to play some epic metal, and I think THAT is what has been missing from the genre of late. Bands are just in it mainly for the money and recognition, fuck the fans gimme the cash sort of mentality.
I'd encourage anyone who loves 80's metal to go get Taking Dawn's first album and see what you think, I promise you won't be disappointed. Apart from buying old albums and going to see cover bands, this is about as close as one can get to good music nowadays. Rap and country need to go the fuck away. No one cares how tough life is in the hood or how your wife left you for your retarded cousin or some shit. The people want METAL
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Birthday Dethday
And so, my birthday has arrived. 31. I definitely feel like an old curmudgeon, more often than not these days. Teenagers piss me off, and I can't go out for a night of drinks without having the next day off to recover. Ah, if only I knew 12 years ago what I know now...
As to the topic of teenagers pissing me off, I must say, the ones that aggravate me the most are those who play World of Warcraft. Yes, I do play this massive time-sink. It gives me something to do in my off hours besides drive around aimlessly and loiter around places I should not be loitering.
So I've been working on my paladin tank lately, since I miss being indestructible. As most who know me can attest to, I absolutely detest idiocy and lack of common sense. With that said, assume that you have a group of people about to draw the attention of a small group of epic monsters, say ogres or something equally dangerous. In said group you have one guy who wears fancy cloth robes and falls over dead if something sneezes on him, and another person who is essentially dressed in a mobile M1 Abrams suit. Which one would you rather have shouting at those ogres "Hey, come and get me you empty headed animal food trough wipers!" ?
Yeah, it didn't quite work out the way you would have guessed. I figure, since the squishy guy wants to pull the group, he obviously wants to try to tank it. Unfortunately, one of the bad guys gave him an exceptionally dirty look and he keeled over, dead. I took it from there and finished them off, and then something not so surprising happened. This failmage decides he's going to bitch me out for not saving his stupid ass in the most amazing way possible, complete with every racial slur in the book, ruminations on my sexual orientation, and other assorted tidbits that should never be repeated in polite company. Oh yes, and since I didn't come to his rescue, I'm obviously a stupid kid living in my mom's basement, weigh 300 pounds and jerkoff to gay porn. His words.
Of course I didn't argue with him. Give me some credit. I do enjoy a good argument now and again, but not when it's so painfully pointless. Everything I said would have gone right over his head and would be met with a "ur so stoopid moterfukr i bet u like littl bois". What I did do was kick him from the group just before the final boss fight just to give him that extra little kick in the ass and make it that much more angering. Everyone else in the group lauds me as a hero and we split up the loot, going our merry ways.
I join another group and we head into another dungeon, and what do you know, the failmage starts messaging me on another character, going through the same routine of questioning my parentage and assuming I'm black (again, bad words). I imagined him frothing at the mouth, red in the face, vein pulsating in his forehead, furiously typing out his hatred for all things better than him. I laughed, sent in a GM ticket and got him a nice little 3 day ban for my birthday. Here's hoping this timeout either sends him over the edge and he has an embolism, or he smartens the fuck up and starts acting like a normal person. Highly unlikely, but you never know.
Why do I tell you this long, involved tale full of ludicrousness and ridiculosity? I'm not sure. I think it's to demonstrate that on this, my 31st birthday, I have now completely lost touch with what American Youth thinks is acceptable, and I'm ok with that. I tell you what though, if I had a kid who acted and spoke like that you had better believe I would have beaten his ass black and blue with a 2x4 until he got the point. Parents these days are pretty much worthless, which is why I'm thankful mine are so awesome. Here's to you, Mom & Dad, on making an intelligent 31 year old man! Happy Birthday to me! :D
Death is only the beginning...
As to the topic of teenagers pissing me off, I must say, the ones that aggravate me the most are those who play World of Warcraft. Yes, I do play this massive time-sink. It gives me something to do in my off hours besides drive around aimlessly and loiter around places I should not be loitering.
So I've been working on my paladin tank lately, since I miss being indestructible. As most who know me can attest to, I absolutely detest idiocy and lack of common sense. With that said, assume that you have a group of people about to draw the attention of a small group of epic monsters, say ogres or something equally dangerous. In said group you have one guy who wears fancy cloth robes and falls over dead if something sneezes on him, and another person who is essentially dressed in a mobile M1 Abrams suit. Which one would you rather have shouting at those ogres "Hey, come and get me you empty headed animal food trough wipers!" ?
Yeah, it didn't quite work out the way you would have guessed. I figure, since the squishy guy wants to pull the group, he obviously wants to try to tank it. Unfortunately, one of the bad guys gave him an exceptionally dirty look and he keeled over, dead. I took it from there and finished them off, and then something not so surprising happened. This failmage decides he's going to bitch me out for not saving his stupid ass in the most amazing way possible, complete with every racial slur in the book, ruminations on my sexual orientation, and other assorted tidbits that should never be repeated in polite company. Oh yes, and since I didn't come to his rescue, I'm obviously a stupid kid living in my mom's basement, weigh 300 pounds and jerkoff to gay porn. His words.
Of course I didn't argue with him. Give me some credit. I do enjoy a good argument now and again, but not when it's so painfully pointless. Everything I said would have gone right over his head and would be met with a "ur so stoopid moterfukr i bet u like littl bois". What I did do was kick him from the group just before the final boss fight just to give him that extra little kick in the ass and make it that much more angering. Everyone else in the group lauds me as a hero and we split up the loot, going our merry ways.
I join another group and we head into another dungeon, and what do you know, the failmage starts messaging me on another character, going through the same routine of questioning my parentage and assuming I'm black (again, bad words). I imagined him frothing at the mouth, red in the face, vein pulsating in his forehead, furiously typing out his hatred for all things better than him. I laughed, sent in a GM ticket and got him a nice little 3 day ban for my birthday. Here's hoping this timeout either sends him over the edge and he has an embolism, or he smartens the fuck up and starts acting like a normal person. Highly unlikely, but you never know.
Why do I tell you this long, involved tale full of ludicrousness and ridiculosity? I'm not sure. I think it's to demonstrate that on this, my 31st birthday, I have now completely lost touch with what American Youth thinks is acceptable, and I'm ok with that. I tell you what though, if I had a kid who acted and spoke like that you had better believe I would have beaten his ass black and blue with a 2x4 until he got the point. Parents these days are pretty much worthless, which is why I'm thankful mine are so awesome. Here's to you, Mom & Dad, on making an intelligent 31 year old man! Happy Birthday to me! :D
Death is only the beginning...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Some people deserve an aneurysm
So I'm driving to work today, it's the middle of the afternoon so kind of moderate traffic, and I'm behind this beat to shit LeSabre in the fast lane going about 35 in a 40. I'm not in any rush so I'm about a car length behind this guy and he taps on his brakes.
Now no one is in front of him, so I thought, "what, are you looking for your turn?". We keep going and he does it again. It wasn't until he flipped me the double deuce in the rearview that I realized this douchebag is trying to brake check me.
Now as anyone who lives in a city can tell you, driving in traffic in the middle of town, it isn't uncommon to give at most a car length of distance to the guy in front of you, otherwise jerkoffs will end up cutting you off and cause accidents and such. That was pretty much how it was here, and I wasn't anywhere close to tailgating this re-re. Apparently he needs his space.
I'm not sure if he was aware that flipping someone off is essentially an engraved invitation that says "Please sir, will you now fuck with me so badly that I end up killing myself?". That's basically what ended up happening, however. I smiled and rode his rear bumper for the next 3 blocks, chuckling as he went batshit crazy in his car, flipping me off, screaming, and jumping up and down in his seat. I can only imagine he was frothing at the mouth too. I was kind of hoping that I would anger him so much that that little blood vessel would pop in his brain and he'd trouble the rest of the driving world no longer. Sadly, this was not the case.
Remember kids, driving is not a right, it's a privilege. If you drive like a dumbass, expect to get fucked with by us intelligent folks. Or just save us the trouble and drive yourself into a tree.
Death is only the beginning...
Now no one is in front of him, so I thought, "what, are you looking for your turn?". We keep going and he does it again. It wasn't until he flipped me the double deuce in the rearview that I realized this douchebag is trying to brake check me.
Now as anyone who lives in a city can tell you, driving in traffic in the middle of town, it isn't uncommon to give at most a car length of distance to the guy in front of you, otherwise jerkoffs will end up cutting you off and cause accidents and such. That was pretty much how it was here, and I wasn't anywhere close to tailgating this re-re. Apparently he needs his space.
I'm not sure if he was aware that flipping someone off is essentially an engraved invitation that says "Please sir, will you now fuck with me so badly that I end up killing myself?". That's basically what ended up happening, however. I smiled and rode his rear bumper for the next 3 blocks, chuckling as he went batshit crazy in his car, flipping me off, screaming, and jumping up and down in his seat. I can only imagine he was frothing at the mouth too. I was kind of hoping that I would anger him so much that that little blood vessel would pop in his brain and he'd trouble the rest of the driving world no longer. Sadly, this was not the case.
Remember kids, driving is not a right, it's a privilege. If you drive like a dumbass, expect to get fucked with by us intelligent folks. Or just save us the trouble and drive yourself into a tree.
Death is only the beginning...
Monday, March 21, 2011
In the Beginning...
Ah yes, the inaugural post of this, my sounding board for the random thoughts and rants that percolate through my brain. This will most definitely be a bastion of several things, most notably common sense and rationality. Epic metal will also be represented, as it is the one force that can truly bring about the salvation of mankind. Screw God, Ozzy is the King!
There will, of course, be much more content in the coming weeks/months, however several things are coming to a head all at the same time this week and I'm lucky I remembered I wanted to do this at all. As it is my birthday this week (Friday the 25th), I am going to be killing many brain cells with friends and my date for the evening while rocking the fuck out to some epic 80's hair metal courtesy of the band MetalHead. Then it's back to the grind, and hopefully some good news on a certain position I've been attempting to obtain for quite some time.
And so I shall leave you with this parting thought, to tide you over until I can get the hang of this blog thing and post more awesomeness: Success is commemorated; failure merely remembered.
Death is only the beginning...
There will, of course, be much more content in the coming weeks/months, however several things are coming to a head all at the same time this week and I'm lucky I remembered I wanted to do this at all. As it is my birthday this week (Friday the 25th), I am going to be killing many brain cells with friends and my date for the evening while rocking the fuck out to some epic 80's hair metal courtesy of the band MetalHead. Then it's back to the grind, and hopefully some good news on a certain position I've been attempting to obtain for quite some time.
And so I shall leave you with this parting thought, to tide you over until I can get the hang of this blog thing and post more awesomeness: Success is commemorated; failure merely remembered.
Death is only the beginning...
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