I do not think you know me like you think you know me...

Greetings, Metallians! Yes, I know, it's been quite a while since the last pages were decrypted, however, I feel that anticipation makes the things you're waiting for that much sweeter. I also hope that these articles are more thought-provoking with more time to digest them, rather than just spewing out new content every week. I could be wrong, but until I get beaten for it, I'll keep on doing it my way :D

SO! The title of this posting (which I'm sure some of you will read in Inigo Montoya's voice, +10 internets to those who do), is something that I've been wanting to do for a long time, and just haven't felt like it was important enough/interesting enough, at least until now. This one is going to be mostly for the benefit of my personal friends, family, and other life acquaintances, however I think that those who are also struggling with finding a place in their social/family circles can take something away from this, and I don't just mean in terms of atheism. I'm also talking about those people who feel like outcasts because they're hardcore Metallians in a family of country music inbreds or hip-hop/dubstep morons (excluding that awesome rapper Greydon Square, of course), or if you're a gamer nerd who is just not understood by your jock father, or a liberal in a Republican household/town, or something equivalent. My goal with this is to just lay all the cards out on the table, as it were, and if certain people I associate with don't like it, well at least there will be no more illusions and it'll be their own fucking problem if they think I'm an evil asshole.

This is not to say I'm really hiding who I am, for fear of persecution. I just kind of avoid talking about it when around friends/family because previously, I didn't want to rock the boat. I love my family, even my aunt/uncle that think I'm an evil Satanist after they became aware of my status as a non-believer. They've gone so far as to bar their children from contacting me, because they're home-schooled (which I won't even go into how incredibly bad THAT is), and they don't want me ruining their indoctrination with pesky things like logic and critical thinking. I have several other family members who are also very religious, who I get along with, we have some good debates without getting insulting or violent. Those who know me know that I only get insulting when it's obvious that a believer doesn't want to debate, they just want to quote scripture at me and yell at me about how I'm going to hell and that I'm oppressing them with my non-belief, or if they're just being completely, ridiculously stupid for the sake of making a scene.

Even my parents, who are not firm believers (at least that's always the impression that I've gotten over the years), have requested that I "tone down the anti-God stuff, and the swearing", so I don't offend anyone. I respect them, so I've kind of kept a lid on it for the most part, although I'm not sure if they're asking me to do this to keep confrontations to a minimum or if they don't want me to embarass them.

But that's the thing, isn't it? Even doing these things to respect the wishes of my parents is not letting me be who I really am. I feel like I'm two different people: one that plays along and hides myself to fit in to the religious conservative crowd that I grew up in so as not to cause trouble when I visit family, and one that has controversial ideas/opinions that hopefully cause people to think and to question and isn't afraid to voice them. After several 'incidents', I've decided enough is enough.

The following is the kind of person I really am, with explanations as to why I am this way, in the hope that those people I care about will just accept this person without reservation. I'm also hoping that those who don't wish to associate with me after reading this will then remove me from their lives, so that I don't have to waste time arguing/listening to them spew hateful bile about how I'm wrong or evil 'just because'.

1: I am an atheist, with emphasis on anti-theism

The dreaded BIG 'A' word. Yes, I do not believe in a deity, any deity. I would also extend that to include any supposed supernatural event, relying only on the scientific method to explain the Universe and everything in it. In fact, this is the only reliable method we have for explaining how things function and exist. No, I don't hate God, there is simply no evidence for his existence. The beauty of being an atheist who relies on critical thinking is that when presented with new evidence, one's views then change to accommodate said evidence. If someone showed me peer-reviewed, factual evidence of God's existence tomorrow, I'd acknowledge said existence. I still wouldn't worship him though, because he's a gigantic DICK.

How did I come to this status? I read the Bible. Ok, that wasn't ALL there was to it, but that was the part that sealed the deal. When I was a kid in Sunday School I never though the stories told to us were anything more than that, stories. I was more concerned with getting punch and cookies later and then going home to play. I've always been into science fiction and fantasy books, and I guess I recognized that those stories were just as fictional as anything written by Terry Brooks and Isaac Asimov.

The contradictions and logical fallacies inherent in the Bible, as well as the complete lack of any credible archaeological finds that corroborate various stories in it, are what made me officially declare my rejection of religion. Plus, if you claim you're a good person, and you've read the Bible, then how the fuck can you condone all the horrible shit in there done in "God's" name? Misogyny, rape, torture, bigotry, slavery, genocide, just to name a few, and yes, those can be found in the New Testament too, not just the Old.

I am a moral person without religion, thus morality does not stem from "God". I don't believe in shit without evidence, and I don't believe in superstition and the supernatural. That's all being an atheist is. Now when I say I'm an anti-theist, that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and start oppressing theists and throwing them in prisons and shit. It just means I fight the indoctrination that churches use to keep children from forming their own opinions, I fight legislation of religious belief (like these stupid anti-gay marriage laws and anti-abortion laws) because we don't live in a fucking theocracy, and I fight the denial of science and progress in favor of blind faith and ignorance.

If that makes you think I'm evil, then so fucking be it. I will never stop until religious belief has been eradicated in favor of science, critical thinking, and rational intellect that trusts in peer-reviewed evidence rather than a Bronze Age book written by dirty goatfuckers centuries after the supposed events happened.

2: I am a centrist who leans left, I would classify myself as a liberal

In this crazy political environment that calls itself America, I identify myself as a Democrat. The reason for this is pretty simple: Republicans have gone completely off the deep-end with their platform of lies, misinformation, outright hypocrisy, promotion of theocracy and rebellion, and essentially becoming Fascists thanks to their insatiable greed that their corporate overlords are more than happy to feed. If you want to know why I say Republicans are Fascists, read my previous article.

The sad thing is, centrists like myself get marginalized. America is a land of extremes now. Balanced viewpoints and rational ideas get zero play thanks to the bullshit of Mass Media (which in my view needs to be relegated to the trash bin, I get zero news from the big networks and am more informed because of it). If it isn't sensational or outrageous, it gets no airtime, and thus our common sense ideas and views are ignored.

I don't really WANT to identify as a Democrat, since there are a few (a VERY few) shady things going on there as well, HOWEVER: on the whole, the Democratic Party is doing more to promote progress and halt the advance of corporate oligarchy and plutocracy than anyone else right now. Liberals have their far off-center crazies too who scream about drone attacks and the NDAA, but honestly, these issues are non-issues, especially in the context of how shit is failing right now, and it's all thanks to the Tea Party and their vast GOP support.

I stand for EVERYONE being equal, discrimination is bullshit. Color, sexual orientation/identity, age, weight, nationality, none of that MATTERS. We're all PEOPLE. Stop acting like this shit affects the way you live, because it FUCKING DOESN'T.

I stand for scientific progress and education. The science deniers and education de-funders want to make everyone dumber, because dumb people are easy to control (see Tea Party). Like Morpheus said: Free your mind. Think. Learn. That's what these people hate the most.

I stand for common sense legislation, not legislation based on crazy feelings or religious belief. Despite what the Tea Party officials lie to their base about, this nation is NOT, in fact, a Christian nation, it's a nation for EVERYONE, and religion is a PERSONAL FUCKING MATTER. It has no place in government, and honestly, churches should immediately lose their tax-exempt status, as they no longer do the things they once did to need that status, IE feed/shelter the homeless, the sick, the injured, the destitute. Oh, they have little dinner events once in a while, but that's more to ease their collective consciences than out of any real desire to help people. Meanwhile they use all those donations to build gigantic megachurches in the fucking South. Yeah, don't think that's what that was meant for.

Additional to the above, common sense legislation means just that. You don't need to be able to purchase a fucking assault rifle, as you're not in the military or national guard. Claims that it is for home defense are bullshit, it's just so you can compensate for some character flaw. Math proves that gun control works to prevent shooting deaths, the statistics are out there. Lobbyists need to go the fuck away, in fact, all money needs to be taken out of influencing government, and gov't salaries need to be DRASTICALLY reduced. There's no reason these assholes get to make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, working for less than 1/3 of the year, and doing almost nothing while they're there. I bust my ass to make $25,000, and I'm better off than a LOT of other people.

If you object to any of these above stances, then you need to take off your tinfoil hat, remove the American flags from your lawn, and take one of your guns and eat a fucking bullet. Harsh? Maybe, but I'll tell you, I've just about had it with mentally deficient bigots and assholes demonizing me for being rational and compassionate. I know lots of others have too, and if we can get rid of these whackjobs like old Turtlehead McConnell and Lyin' Ryan, then maybe we can fucking MOVE ON.

3: I am an introvert, NOT anti-social

People think I'm anti-social, that I don't like people. I would say that that is false, with one qualifying statement: I DO hate people, but only the ignorant dipshits who think angels are real and having an arsenal will protect you from bad guys.

What I am is introverted. A lot of times, I just don't need to be with people all the time. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm very selective about who I'm friends with, which is why I don't have very many friends. As the saying goes: Quality wins over quantity. This is also partially why I am without a special lady friend most of the time. The quality women are more than likely ALSO introverted, and thus are not out partying/bar-hopping and are therefore not available to chat up in social settings. I have certain things I require in someone I wish to associate with, and I refuse to compromise on those. I refuse to settle.

If that means I'll be alone for the rest of my life, with only a few friends for company, SO FUCKING BE IT. I'd rather that than have my awareness filled with rampant pointlessness and idiotic drivel from the people who make up this Idiocratic nation now. This is why I don't have a television subscription, because I prefer to not have my brain infected with the stupidity that is popular culture, or be told that the way I am is wrong. Being a 'nerd' or 'geek' is not something to be ashamed of. Shit, I wish we had MORE nerds and geeks, we desperately need them to help us move forward scientifically and technologically.

I prefer the solitude of my own thoughts, for the most part. I'm a writer (obviously), and spinning new worlds and new stories out of nothing but my own imagination is more entertaining to me than anything else I could be doing. I don't like to drink, I don't like to go to bars/clubs, I'll go to the occasional low-key house party, or to a raging Heavy Metal show (my one concession to being outgoing), but for the most part, I enjoy my living space and the things I can do within, rather than without. If that gets me painted as anti-social, then you're probably not someone I care to associate with, like the many, MANY others as outlined by my previous two points.

4: I am a sci-fi/fantasy gamer nerd. This is not a bad thing

As I explained about, nerds and geeks automatically get this negative label, which is completely untrue. I felt like this deserved it's own section, since it is a huge part of who I am. Ironically, it's all my dad's fault, since he bought us an Atari 2600 back in the day, and honestly he had JUST AS MUCH FUN WITH IT as I did. Now he thinks it's a huge waste of time :P

So yes, my journey began with that Atari, then when I was 9 I saved up all my pennies and bought an NES for a whopping $100 (yes, lots of chores were done to accomplish this). I also had various PC games to play with on our old IBM-XT. Yes, you heard that right. I was a master of DOS and BASIC back in the day. From there I got various other consoles as time went on, and continuously upgraded my PC to play better and better games.

I started playing MMO's when I was in college, starting with Ultima Online: T2A. That, and Asheron's Call on Darktide were the most fun I've ever had in my entire gaming career. Being able to attack and kill anyone at any time for being a stupid, childish asshole, taking their stuff, and making them quit the game to make it better for the rest of us, was just fucking beautiful. Sadly, the gaming trend started to move towards homogenizing gameplay to make niche games "fun for everyone", because corporations like EA and Activision started to buy these small game companies out and attempt to maximize profits by dumbing shit down (I'm looking at you, Madden series).

I also got my start in scifi thanks to my mom introducing me to Star Trek (yes, she's a Trekkie). I started with the original series, which was excellent for what it was, and I really wish more shows focused less on flashy effects and more on epic storytelling. That's why Star Trek was so good. That of course branched out into other scifi shows like Stargate, Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, and then into certain anime like Evangelion and Lodoss War. Note: I despise almost all anime except for a certain few quality ones. All the rest are pretty much shit like every other cartoon out there now.

My fantasy roots stem from my highschool library, where I signed out a copy of Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey. I devoured that and the other Pern books in short order, and began exploring for more magical worlds to explore, leading to Terry Brooks' Shannara series (still ongoing), as well as Modesitt's Recluce saga, and of course, Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time epic.

So why do I put all this in a separate section? Because of the societal view of 'nerds' as bad people, as automatically inferior to those who are social or who are jocks. I was never very athletic, and the only highschool sport I played was on the Golf team. My strengths were my vast intellect and my mental agility. This earned me no end of derision from classmates growing up, and still gets me snide remarks even today at the age of 33. I don't know if it's because people are intimidated by my intelligence, or if they're just dicks, but either way, it gets very tiresome, and has shaped my introversion as described above.

Gamers and scifi nerds are normal people just like everyone else. Just because we enjoy stories about things that don't exist for entertainment purposes doesn't mean you're better than we are. Without us, you wouldn't be able to play stupid trash games on your shitty iPhone 5.

5: I don't take shit from anyone. Period.

I have never been very strong or athletic, even when I was younger and in good physical shape. I've only gotten enraged enough to the point of trading blows a handful of times, and gotten my ass beat each time, all as a kid growing up. I was always the one who got in trouble for fighting back, too, because obviously I must have done something to provoke the bully into bullying me /sarcasm.

Once I got into highschool I resolved to never take shit from anyone ever again. I came to this realization after a particularly nasty kid who was a new transfer decided I was a prime target and was relentless in his persecution of me. As I have said, I'm not a strong man, so I used the only weapon I had: my ability with words. I defended myself with such biting insults and excessive sarcasm that after only a few episodes of public humiliation, he left me alone completely. Others attempted to take his place, and all were put in their place by my razor-sharp wit.

I was never vindictive, never became the bully, never harassed them, I merely kept them from beating me to a pulp by shaming them publicly. This garnered me a fair amount of respect from others, which was surprising as hell to me, and ultimately, led to those bullies apologizing to me for being colossal dicks, of their own volition.

Sadly, this shit still happens in my adult life, and the anonymity of the internet allows many others to get away with this crap. While my reflexes may not be as sharp, I can still deliver a scathing rebuke that will leave people scratching their heads while others laugh.

This phrase was actually given solidity after seeing the 1998 film Dirty Work for the first time. Norm MacDonald is awesome, and not taking no crap from nobody became one of my personal mantras. If you haven't seen the movie... do yourself a favor and do so.

Don't Take No Crap From Nobody by movieclips

I don't take shit from anyone. If you want to start something, or try to insult or belittle me, you had best be prepared to have your ass handed to you, because I can guarantee you that you are not my equal in the field of offense. This also applies to people who try to make me feel ashamed for standing up for myself and my views. Just because I don't agree with you, and you don't want to have an honest debate about it, does not give you the right to give me a ration of shit and try to discredit me. Seriously, FUCK you.

6: I AM A METALHEAD. THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE

Yup, saving the best for last. I am a Metalhead, a Metallian, a Rockaholic, to the motherfucking CORE. There is NO genre of music better than Metal, especially not in the last 30 years. Heavy Metal is so diverse that there is a genre for everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE. Heavy Metal will never die, it just keeps getting stronger, despite what critics desperately want to believe.

This all started back in the 80's, where in West Bumfuck, VT, all there was to listen to was the local country station. I despise country music. Words cannot describe how boring and pointless it is. My only salvation was WVTC, the local college radio station, where I could tune in and listen to other, forbidden forms of music, like Metal, and 80's pop (which was actually very good and another of my faves). Started with AC/DC, moved on into Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, and Metallica. In highschool I got into Rage Against the Machine, as well as some good grunge like Soundgarden and Nirvana.

It wasn't until I was in college that I was able to express my newfound Metallian status with the advent of my own radio show on the very same station. Granted, it was from 6-9 on Saturday nights, and there weren't many listeners, but even if I only reached one kid, just like I was, then it was all worth it.

The biggest reason why I'm a diehard Metallian for life, is because of the Metal culture. It's very accepting, mainly because for the most part, we were the outcasts, we didn't fit in with all the rest who listen to the latest shit from Britney Spears or N'Sync. There's a different genre of Metal to suit anyone's taste, really. I can guarantee you there's a specific flavor out there for everyone. I have a friend who is a huge country fan, shitkickers and all, however amazingly, she fucking loves GWAR, which is so bizarre that I still can't really wrap my head around that one. It's awesome though because it proves my point exactly: There is a genre of Metal for EVERYONE.

Yes, there are a few Metalheads who act like dicks and complain about certain types of Metal being lame and those who like it being "posers", but they're few and far between, and we generally ignore them. I enjoy all Metal, some more than others definitely, but I can always find something worthwhile in any band, from Cannibal Corpse to Dio to Nine Inch Nails. We are all Metallians here, and there's a sense of brotherhood and camaraderie that don't really exist with any other type of music or its fans. I also love the epicness and the in your face attitude that Metal presents to the world. The best Metal songs are those that are about how awesome Heavy Metal is.

So yes, I am a diehard Metallian. I revere the Metal Messiahs and give thanks to the Lord Halford for bringing us this abundance of badassery. Besides, it's just plain FUN to rock the fuck out with your mates, sing at the top of your lungs with some epic Metal shrieks, and just be awesome for it's own sake.

So there you have it. These are the things that make up who I am. I hope this has cleared up any confusion for those who might have thought otherwise, and I hope that others are able to identify with parts of this and can use it to help get their own thoughts out there and clear up any misconceptions about themselves.

I'm not writing this in the hope that I'll be universally accepted. I'm fully comfortable with who I am, it's everyone else who isn't comfortable with who I am. I could give a fuck about being accepted. I'm just tired of trying to fit in with the "sacred cow" that is the family unit and various familial connections, and to essentially say: "This is me. Don't like it? That's just too fucking bad." If that means you want to cut me out of your life, or unfriend me, or whatever, then fucking go for it dude. I'm through keeping quiet for the sake of not upsetting family members or borderline friends. Here I am, and I'm gonna rock you like a fucking hurricane. METALLIANS! WE MARCH!!

FOR METALLLLL!!!!!!

Death is only the beginning...

First Contact: how Star Trek has shaped my progressive views

Watching the Star Trek:TNG episode "First Contact", I'm struck by the parallels between the Malcorians and the current US political climate. Their progressive leader along with the scientific community embrace new technologies/economics/philosophies, and moving forward to explore space and join the intergalactic community, while the arrogant conservative minister fights tooth and nail to regress backwards into an isolationist "everyone for themselves", we're the center of the Universe stance, under the guise of maintaining their "traditional values", and using fear to accomplish this.

Granted, there are no alien surveillance teams that have been found injured during a riot, but I can't help but see the same sort of things happening here, with ignorant conservative jackwads leading the charge towards backwards social policies, hiding under a cultural rock, fearing a loss of influence and using that fear as a tool to convince other ignorant people that it's in their best interests to submit to social barbarism. When Commander Riker attempts to escape the hospital where his injuries were being treated, a mob of Malcorians who had been whipped into a fearful frenzy by rumors that he was an alien stopped him and beat the shit out of him with absolutely no provocation. They'd rather retain their ignorance, confident that they are the only beings in the universe, rather than accept what their senses tell them.

At the end of the episode, the conservative minister is so fearful of change that he tries to martyr himself at the hands of the agent of change (a very injured and barely conscious Cmdr. Riker) by shooting himself with Riker's phaser and making it look as if the "evil alien" killed him. Of course in the episode, Dr. Crusher beams down just in time to save them both and prevent a race riot, and the liberal Chancellor decides that his people aren't ready for first contact after all.


I have to disagree with this decision, absolutely and unequivocally. After seeing the extraordinary lengths that Republicans will go to to hold back progress, equality, tolerance and prosperity in the name of "preserving traditional values", I'm fully convinced that any sufficiently encompassing change, whether it be technology, social policy, or knowledge, will be adamantly opposed by people who espouse this mindset for no other purpose than to maintain the status quo, because if they can't have what they want, no matter how misguided and wrong, then NO ONE gets what THEY might want either.

Sound childish? You'd be correct. Conservatives and religious mindsets are very similar in this line of thought, fighting any kind of change, whether it affects them or not, so they can maintain their power over others, even if it might be beneficial. I know people, some of them family, who absolutely believe in this way of thinking. I had a conversation with one of my former high school acquaintances recently, and it was enlightening and frustrating for me at the same time. None of the confirmed facts and information that I brought to the table had any effect on their entrenched opinion that "Obama is an evil Commie who wants to take all our money and give it to the lazy slackers who can't get a job, and then let us satan-worshiping atheists burn upside-down flags and piss on baby Jesus' face because he's an Israel hating Muslim." I just about died laughing at the bizarre insanity that this person actually believed was God's own truth.

I guess my overall point is this: We're not going to get ANYWHERE by holding onto the past. This is not to say that we should ignore the past, as where we are now has been shaped by where we come from, and to ignore that completely is illogical. At the same time we can't let that hold us back from making grand new strides that could lead to amazing new discoveries and propel us into a bright future. To ignore THAT is to throw away what all those previous generations built on and reached for. Watching this episode again after so long really refreshed that sense of purpose that I felt back in college, and reinforced my sense that what we're doing now as a nation, by speaking out against these conservative officials who are holding us back, is right and the correct course of action.

Making new advances and enacting social equality reforms is the core of the Star Trek universe, and I feel like Gene Roddenberry was a much more insightful person than anyone really ever knew. Sure, these sort of issues have been existent throughout this nation's history, however I don't think previous generations have ever faced such a crucial turning point since the Civil Rights movement in the 50's, and we're STILL dealing with racist white assholes who just can't let THAT one go. A lot of people think of Star Trek as just another scifi show, and to see it as just that is to ignore just how visionary and pertinent it is to not just our technological development, but to our social advancement as well.

Yes, I'm a nerd. I have always been proud of that fact, rather than ashamed of it as our society wants me to be, and that has empowered me in my adult life. I'm not afraid to move forward, even if it means I discover things that make the things I've known my whole life are wrong. I only wish that more people could free their minds from the tyranny of fear and tradition, and join the rest of us in the 21st century. Also, imagine making love to an alien woman with six breasts!

That last comment is Dave Lister approved.

Death is only the beginning...

Leave the funny man alone!

So as most of you know (and those who do not, now you do), I am a huge fan of Wil Wheaton. I feel like I'm a younger, less successful version of him. So I just get out of work, and I'm cruising the intarwebs as I usually do and see one of his Twitter posts (@wilw on Twitter), of his dogs attempting to beg tomato soup from him. I can only assume the dogs wanted tomato soup because dogs want anything that humans eat, not out of any real desire for tomato soup.

This may seem irrelevant to most people, but I rather enjoyed it, since Wil's dogs have such character to them. What caught my eye and inspired me to write this little blurb was THIS comment:

I know a lot of not-Americans read this, which is awesome, so let me clarify: currently there is yet another hurricane bearing down on New England just like Irene last year, named Sandy. Some have speculated that the Christian Taliban is going to shout with glee that this is God's punishment to those pesky blue New England states for not voting Romney, but I digress.

Now for most people, they'd have just blown off this retard and enjoyed Wil's pictures of his silly dogs, but I felt the need to comment. You see, my parents live in central Vermont, and most of my extended family lives there or in Massachusetts and Rhode Island. I am keenly aware of what they are in store for, as I toured the devastation wrought by Irene last year: houses washed miles downriver, flipped completely upside down by the water, fields drowned in feet of mud, roads completely washed away, etc. It was pretty fucking horrible, to say the least. So, Rhiannon: what purpose is served by everyone who doesn't live in that area devoting all their runtime towards worrying about this storm?

I know that people are going to be better prepared this time up there, and I'm not worried for anyone now that they know it's coming, so why shouldn't we post up funny dog pictures? Your 'logic' is escaping me right now. I'm not sure how Wil Wheaton can use his celebrity powers to stop a rampaging hurricane in its tracks, so what exactly should he be doing about it?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I absolutely hate old people who voluntarily remove their brains from reality. This woman is the definition of The Crazy Cat Lady, and yes, she's 57. Sitting there watching the Weather channel for days at a time hugging your Bible and talking to your imaginary Mexican friend Jesus to save people is exactly what you should be doing, if your goal is to keep yourself from annoying the rest of the intellectual world. Just don't go onto a random celebrity's thinkspace and call him out on living his life ON HIS OWN PAGE, or those of us who rather like that person will give you the following advice: eat a dick.

Levity distracts people from despairing about impending doom, who the fuck are you to tell them they can't laugh at dogs begging for soup? No one, that's who. Go jump in front of a bus, please, for great justice.

Death is only the beginning...

ZE PRAYERS! ZHEY DO NOZHINK!

So I'm cruisin around the intarwebs on my day off, doin my normal rounds when I see a picture that someone I know commented on, of a dude who is relatively young and doing fairly well for himself, who is apparently going into the hospital for chemo treatments for some sort of cancer he's got. This is obviously a bad thing and I hope his treatments go well, as I'm not completely evil. The thing that got my attention was the header to this photo:

"Facebook family - a great friend and brother-in-Christ, Tim, needs prayers! he starts his first round of chemo tomorrow and as ANY of us would be, he is very scared! Tim is only 31 years old with two beautiful daughters and an amazing wife. He is very strong in the Lord, but this is a whole lot to handle so I am trying to get as many people around the country praying for him as possible. Will  you join us in praying for Tim? If you will pray for Tim, please Like, say "yes" in a Comment and Share this post with everyone you know? It will mean the world to Tim!!"

As of this writing, there are almost a million likes, 300,000 comments, and 150,000 shares. The vast majority of the comments are mindless drivel constituting mainly of "We're all praying for him!" and suchlike.

Some of you may be wondering why I'm bringing this up. I don't know the guy, honestly don't really care about him, but I'm not a completely evil person and I don't want to see him die just for spite. I've had family members doing chemo and other procedures before as well, and I know how rough and painful it is. The point I'm making with this article is thus: PRAYER. DOES. NOTHING. Instead of wasting my time sending happy thoughts to an invisible, non-existent skybully, I'd be more inclined to check the credentials  of the doctors and the facility he's being treated at, and to familiarize myself with the procedures involved so I'll know exactly the chances he'll have and how well they'll work on him.

I'd hope that most sane and rational people would put their trust into proven science instead of what Douglas Reynholm would call "Wishy Thinking".  Let me provide a simple flowchart that completely destroys the validity of prayer:

The arrogance and/or stupidity necessary to think that God has a Master Plan for Life, the Universe, and Everything, but he'll change this perfect plan just because you ask him nicely, is completely and totally absurd and astounding. Just think of all the things we could have achieved with all the time spent kneeling in supplication to a fairy tale. Fuck, we could probably be exploring the galaxy and shit by now.

To me, the continued advocation of prayer to religious types is almost exactly the same as playing the lottery for poor people. It gives them the extremely faint hope that one day, if they keep buying into the system that they have their whole life and gotten shit on every single day, that just one day, it'll all pay off for them in a big way. The main difference between these two examples is that people actually WIN THE LOTTERY. No one has ever had a prayer answered, chalking the few coincidental occurrences up to divine providence. There's absolutely no evidence that 'God did it'.

The second point I'd like to make with this is the fact that most people are so retarded as to think Facebook Likes actually DO something. They don't. At all. It's nice when you run a page like The Book of Heavy Metal to get a few likes on something you've worked hard to make entertaining and insightful, but to go around blathering about how the more Likes you get, the better this person's chances of surviving CANCER are, is just sheer idiocy. I can't even fathom how stupid someone would have to be to actually think that Facebook Likes magically cure diseases.

Like I said, I'm not completely evil. I get that people want to be supportive and whatnot. I get that. We have this mentality in our country, however, that we're good people just because we send happy thoughts to people, without actually DOING things. Take a few minutes and donate some fucking money to the hospital he's going to, or send some cash to his family to help them defray the costs of medical bills, you know, something tangible and USEFUL.

Now, this is the part where I become slightly evil and say that if this person DOES in fact not make it (unlikely, but not unheard of), I'd be villainously pleased to send each and every one of those people a message that would state, in effect:

"Wow, that guy Tim died. Guess your God didn't love him enough, or he didn't love you enough, or he decided his Master Plan was more worthwhile than ONE PERSON. How can this be, since he was "SO STRONG IN THE LORD"? Here's a secret: it's because God doesn't exist, and in life, bad things happen to good people randomly. Grow the fuck up and make the world better instead of wishing to a fairy tale and falsely feeling good about yourself for doing absolutely nothing. You are why this planet sucks. Your religion is bad and you should feel bad."

Mean? Perhaps. The thing is, any early childhood specialist will tell you it's not good to let your young kids hold on to meaningless fantasies, imaginary friends, etc., and that they have to give them up to grow up and succeed in reality. Religion is essentially the same thing, for adults, and by telling them the simple reality that Jesus Claus doesn't exist, it might make them open their eyes and start trying to make the one life they get worthwhile, instead of just wasting time waiting for their reward in Heaven. Just because someone doesn't agree with your delusions doesn't make them evil, it makes them a freethinking independent, rather than a mindless sheep. Ignorance really is bliss, which is why you have to rudely awaken these followers into doing their own thing, following their OWN path. Sadly, most will end up like THIS:

I see it as a public service. If you don't want to hear it, well, that's just too fucking bad, GROW THE FUCK UP.

Death is only the beginning...

Parenting Fail: At the movies version

So it's July 3rd, I have two days off, I'm tired of beating the crap out of Eclipse mercs in Mass Effect 2, and none of my friends are around to hang. I decide to go check out The Amazing Spider-Man at the local cineplex. Show starts at 8pm, I got my popcorn and soda in hand, and the theater is packed. Then random chance decided to take a huge dumper on me (yet again) and I pick a seat where within 5 minutes are seated a family consisting of two twentysomething parents, and their THREE children, approximately 3, 4, and 5 years of age. Let 2 hours of irritation begin.

Now, I'm not a parent, nor do I plan on being one (mainly because I like money, sanity, and sleep). I will say that I'm pretty fucking sure I know what not to do if I were one, however. I don't know if this couple randomly found these devilspawn and decided to just take them along on any outing they go on, because they sure didn't act like they knew what they were doing as parents. Strike that, they didn't do ANYTHING a parent would do in this instance.

The movie starts. I'm eager to see it because I couldn't stand Tobey Mcguire, or Kirsten "my character is a stupid bitch" Dunst, and I'm enjoying it, for the first 10-15 minutes. I'm trying to ignore the constant babbling directly behind me perpetrated by 3 toddlers who have no fucking idea what is going on, and unfortunately it's not working. I keep waiting for their parents to tell them to stop talking, and I'm not hearing it. I turn around and I ask politely "Hey, please be quiet?". I get a nod from the father, and then he just goes back to the movie, completely ignoring his talkative child, who is now asking "Daddy what did he say? What does quiet mean?".

This is my nightmare.

The rest of the movie continued as can be expected with small children, and needless to say, while I immensely enjoyed the flick, I would have enjoyed it about 100% more if these two assholes had not been there with their little irritants. Let me break it down for you, so that if you are, or know anyone, who does this, you'll be able to make things better for everyone else.

First: It is 8pm. Why the FUCK are your children not in bed at this time? When I was a child my bedtime was 8:00 no matter what, until I was in junior high. Why are you dragging toddlers around town at this time?

Second: This movie is rated PG-13. I know no one gives a shit about movie ratings, but you know, you really should. I think it is wildly inappropriate to take 5 year olds to a PG-13 movie, because they will have no fucking idea what is going on, and this was most definitely not a kids movie. If I saw the Lizard in this movie when I was that age I would have nightmares for a solid week.

Third: If you can't afford to hire a babysitter to watch your kids for 3 hours while you have dinner and see a movie, then maybe you should just stay the fuck home. The world is not your babysitter, these people were pretty much completely ignoring their kids as they watched this movie.

If the theater weren't so packed, I'd have moved to a different seat. AND I'd have told them why before I did it. I was about ready to pitch that kid all the way down to the bottom of the stadium seating, that's how irritated I was. The constant questions progressed to fidgeting (and kicking my seat), and then on into whining because they were bored/tired/hungry. I literally had to get right up and leave as soon as it ended to keep myself from doing something that would land me in jail.

I just don't understand why it's so impossible for people to behave like parents nowadays. I think this photo says it best, though: 

I can see this happening to those kids if the trend continued. Indulgent parenting, aka "Do whatever you want because I think you should be a free spirit or because I'm not going to be mean like my parents". It's actually NON-parenting. And it has to stop. If I did any of the above mentioned things, I'd have been given one warning, (which I would have promptly forgot since I was FIVE) and then get marched home and probably get my butt smacked for disobedience.

I don't have kids and even I know that young children like that are NOT going to sit still for a full 2.5 hour movie, let alone a fucking half hour cartoon. I know your kid might like Spider-Man on saturday mornings, but bringing them to the adult version of the film is irresponsible and wildly inappropriate. It's also supremely inconsiderate to everyone else there, because you ruin their good time with your little brats who don't understand anything about how they're supposed to behave outside the house. They're having a grand old time cause they don't know any better, while their asshole parents just ignore them and inflict them on the rest of us. I know you've probably gotten very good at tuning out the incessant babbling/whining/fidgeting, but I haven't, and I shouldn't have to deal with it.

I feel like there should be some kind of license to have children, to prove that you can be a capable parent. I know the implementation of this would be extremely difficult, and of course all the breeders would scream about not being able to shit out half a dozen retard babies, but seriously, we have WAY too many stupid assholes in this country, and it's not really getting better. Parenting is not a natural phenomenon, it's a skill like any other, and a lot of people just don't have it, or can't develop it. They're the ones who are crappin out kids like it's their job cause God says it's bad to use birth control or some other bullshit.

So in summation: If you don't do anything to actively keep your child from annoying the rest of us, don't be surprised when someone like me gives you an earful. I'm glad my parents gave me structure and discipline as a kid, because I've grown into a successful, non-douchebag intellectual. These kids are gonna turn into spoiled little shits who will scream and cry when anyone says 'no' to them.

I hate people.

Death is only the beginning...

The Metal Agenda and why it seems to work

I've been a metalhead for most of my life. Having been born in 1980, the culture was made part of my worldview at a very early age. As the years have passed, I've only come to appreciate it more than previously, and I dont' see it stopping. I've seen different music types rise and fall (ska comes readily to mind) and yet metal endures. Hell, all my favorite bands from the 80's are still touring and putting out records, and will probably keep doing so until they kick it, DIO style, which is an awesome legacy to leave the world. So I found myself wondering at one time or another, why this is. Why has metal lasted so long, and why does it attract a certain crowd?

I think a lot of it has to do with the roots of metal, and rock, which is mostly about cultural rebellion. Bucking authority and refusing to "fit in" with the brush-cuts and the button down shirts and shit. Every generation, rock and metal have evolved into something similar, yet distinct from what came before. From Elvis to The Doors, Led Zeppelin to Black Sabbath, Judas Priest to Motley Crue, and on into the many subgenres of metal, it's all a similarity of difference, of not doing what society tells you to do and to rock the fuck out and do your own thing. That sort of message resonates with people, not just hormone-driven teens but people of all ages, especially in the crazy times we live in.

I also got to thinking about how a lot of metalheads, and not just the ones I know personally, tend to be, if not out and out atheists, at least anti-religion. What was the correlation between the two? It couldn't be as simple as just giving a negative fuck about it, although that is a pretty good reason. I think that it stems from that core of rebellion that all metalheads have, of not conforming to a vision of "normality" just because it's what everyone else does.

Religion is the ultimate form of "The Man". Religion doesn't work if you don't give up your ability to reason and question. It depends on the total submission to higher authority, whether it be a fabricated god, a creepy old man in a funny hat, or angry mobs of fundies who want to burn down abortion clinics because they dare to do things that go against "god's" will. This submission is gained through fear for the most part, never through reason. The fear of Hell, of punishment, of ostracsim from the retard community, it's all used by this institution to keep the masses in line and paying at the offertory. How else are these priests going to be able to do nothing all day and still be able to buy shit?

Metal is the anti-religion, in my opinion. There are so many different kinds of metal, and instead of fighting over which is the best kind (like the different sects of Christianity do), all us metalheads just look at each other, say "fuck it", and get another round of brews. It attracts freethinkers, open-minded individuals who have seen the bullshit of conformity and the closed-minded sheeple mentality, and want no part of that garbage. It encourages people to break out and be different, no matter what.

I can honestly say that of all the people that I've met in my life, the absolute coolest, open-minded, sane and rational people have been metalheads. I'm talking about true metalheads, not the douchefarmers who go to an Unearth concert and just punch the shit out of people in the mosh pit, or some lame poser who has listened to St. Anger and thinks he's a Metallica fan. Even then, though, those people do build on the platform of rationality that Metal brings. Maybe that guy who listened to St. Anger will find out it's not that great and go find some of their old stuff and realize just how awesome true metal can be. Maybe that'll motivate him to push on with life and go invent something awesome like a steam-powered guitar or some shit. Who knows? The point is he's inspired by metal, and not repressed by it. Theists can't say the same. Metalheads don't buy into the bullshit lies of religion, like "be good and love god or else you'll burn in the fiery pit for eternity!" You know what lady, I'd rather rock the fuck out with my mates and live the only life I KNOW I get a chance at. Go fuck yourself.

I'm reminded of all the rallies against bands like KISS and Black Sabbath, picketing hordes of imbeciles claiming that it's the "Devil's music" and will erode the fabric of society. Funnily enough, a lot of them were Christian groups. They're still doing it today too. Sorry to say, but the only danger to the cohesion of modern society is religion, so take those signs and shove em up your stupid asses.

The best times I've ever had have been at various Metal shows, meeting all kinds of new people from all over, singing along over a tall frosty at the top of our lungs, throwin up the Horns and generally just having one hell of an awesome time. Hell, that'll happen at house parties I throw with Rock Band as the main form of entertainment (apart from the booze) and music. It brings people together in a GOOD way, in a way that religion never can and never will. Seriously, Bibles for Haiti? Really? I'm sure those are of a great comfort to starving homeless people, you whitebread retarded jackasses.

Nothing can kill The Metal. The Metal will live on. March on Metallians! Spread the awesomeness of Modern Music! FOR METALLL!!!

Death is only the beginning...

The Power of Idiocy: brought to you by Religion.

I try to stagger these anti-religion posts, because this is a blog that is equally about hating idiocy and stupidity in all forms, and about heavy metal. This just really got to me today, though.

I follow George Takei, who most of you know as Hikaru Sulu from the original Star Trek. He is a supremely hilarious guy, and is very net savvy. He is also very gay, and very vocal about that, which is awesome. Today he had posted up a pic of a sign that reads "Bigotry wrapped in prayer is still bigotry", and in the comments, some dumb, ugly, Southern retard Christian lady starts proselytizing and haranguing the masses of the internet about how everyone will face judgement if they don't submit to God's love, and how the Bible is the Word of God as dictated by the Holy Spirit (apparently they had stenos back in the Bronze Age), and all sorts of other crazy religious shit. She wouldn't stop either, just kept spamming comments about how God is Love, unless you don't believe in him and then you go to eternal torture forever. That's the exact opposite of love, I think.

It is just amazing to me that people can willfully ignore contradictory fantasy bullshit like that. Especially when it's blatantly obvious that it's fairy tale bullshit. If you've ever tried to make the argument to a theist that "If God is in the Bible and you say that makes him real, if I read a Superman comic, does that make him real? Just using your "logic" bro.", you'd see just how insanely angry they get that you're mocking their faith. Dude, you made the rules, I'm just following them, if you don't want me to think Superman is real cause I read about him in a book, then you shouldn't say the exact same fucking thing.

The sick thing is, enough of these people in large groups can change the nation. Right now there are enough idiot Reich Wing Republicans in Colorado's House that they've passed another "personhood" bill. You know, those completely farcical laws that say if you use birth control or get an abortion, you can get arrested for MURDERING A COLLECTION OF CELLS. Sorry guys, a collection of cells is NOT the same thing as a person, and anyone who thinks it is is a complete and total moron who should be sterilized before they breed. I'm impressed there aren't more women out there who aren't completely enraged by this.

Republicans have swiftly become the spokesmen for the uneducated theists of America. I have no idea how such a swift decline in intelligence came about, but these guys are literally the most powerful people in this nation right now and are working to basically implement the Christian equivalent of Sharia law (essentially the same thing), and no one is apparently giving enough of a fuck for them to stop. I'm amazed there hasn't been an armed uprising yet against these assholes. You can't tread on women's rights, setting this country's social progress back by 60 years, and try to get hokey religious non-facts taught in schools like they were facts, without paying the consequences, and I'm predicting that the flashpoint is going to come sooner rather than later. People need to stop feeling powerless against this onslaught of religulousness and fight back. It's all well and good to be the benign atheist and just not give a shit, but the christians are going to take that as a sign of weakness and move in for the kill, and before you know it you'll have to go to church every sunday or face prison time.

Idiocy in large enough groups is  power. This is a fact. Fight back against that idiocy, with more than just passive book-writing and angry letters. Personally, every time I see someone putting up church posters and shit all over my apartment complex, I tear em down and throw them away. I just got an invitation to some indoctrination seminar at the local hotel, I think I'll go and act like an unbelieving asshole the whole time. If you don't like it, you shouldn't have invited me, douchefarmers. Proactive resistance is the only way to stop this continued invasion of the secular society America was supposed to be. FIGHT, METALLIANS! FOR METALLL!!!!!

Death is only the beginning...

The God Delusion: Facebook edition

Before I get started, I just want to preface this with a little gem I found on the intarwebs:

I've had a few Christtrolls trying to refute logic with imbecilic nonsense on my facebook page for this blog lately, and I thought that this needed to be said. Moving on!

So lately I've seen a lot of my more deluded acquaintances from my highschool days liking various religious pics on the ol' facebook. One of them was just a poster that said in big psychedelic LSD trip letters "GOD IS GOOD!". This was followed by a tremendous circle-jerk of comments all saying things like AMEN and YES HE IS! , etc. I was almost afraid to interject that a jealous and vengeful god could hardly be quantified as good, since I think the torrent of supreme hate that would ensue would have broken the internet.

The thing that struck me about this was the fact that people I used to know, people I used to consider relatively intelligent and rational, have since ( in the 14 years since high school, I know, I'm old) turned into mindless automatons, parroting an obviously fallacious mantra. God is anything BUT good. You don't create a supposedly perfect universe with an unbelievably evil dimension of pain and suffering that simultaneously exists within this universe, unless you're inherently a sadist.

This facebook sharing of what amounts to indoctrination reinforcement is getting out of control. People I once knew as somewhat reasonable are now spam posting psalms from that fiction of fictions, the Bible, sending me invite after invite to some fucking church event where they bathe the homeless or feed the lepers or some other disgusting activity I really don't want to get involved with, and basically just basking in their own righteousness for the whole internet to see. It's really becoming quite disturbing.

Just now someone I know re-posted this sick picture of a random baby with some skin disfiguration or some such, with the tagline "SHARE AND FACEBOOK WILL DONATE $3 TO HELP THIS BABY!". Really? I'm pretty sure Zuckerberg could give even one tenth of a fuck about your crusade to feel good about yourself by posting gross pictures on everyone's news feed to make them feel bad for not caring. Even if that were true, Facebook would quickly run out of money if they tried to do this kind of shit. This ties in to my "Americans are fucking retarded" hypothesis. It just amazes me that people are this retarded in public.

This is why I try to post at least one irritating and controversial (to theists) picture/quote a day, to try to keep the idiocy from spreading too far, too fast. I know I'm only one man, but hell, if I can get more people to hop on the science train to progressville, maybe we'll stop believing fairy tales are true. Would you believe that god was good when presented like... this?:

Seriously. To think that the above means that god is inherently good and that your version of existence is automatically correct because of your childish belief, then I've got news for you: you're pretty fucking dumb. It's like Santa Claus for adults, except if you're bad, you don't just get coal, you get a trillion tons of coal, on fire, poured over you, for the rest of eternity, and you can never redeem yourself. Yeah, that sounds like god knew what he was doing when he was creating morality. Idiots.

So in conclusion: facebook is a vast desert of idiots, with small oases of reason (like this) that are slowly getting larger as time goes on. Just don't go poking the camels... you might get spit on.

Death is only the beginning...

Einstein had it right all along

I'm sure some of you have seen this before:

Sad, but true, nonetheless. I walk around my city, I travel to various places, and I am disgusted by the rampant idiocy that surrounds me. I know stupidity is not endemic to America, but I'm pretty sure we've got the lion's share. I don't know if it's something in the food, subliminal signals in all those adverts, or something else entirely. I did test all of my sunglasses to see if they would reveal anything, but alas, there was nothing. Not even Rowdy Roddy Piper showed up to help me out.

Now, as I declaimed in a previous rant, this is the Decade of the Stupid Attention Whore, which has continued for 12 years now. I'm hoping the trend will stop before the twenty year mark, but I'm not holding out much hope. Celebrity worship is one of the most retarded things that a society can engage in, and it's all too common here. I blame Jersey Shore for the latest influx of duckfaces and douchebags, but then, one could blame Jersey Shore for any number of things and still have room for more. Someone had brought up the idea that the whole show was scripted, which to me seems preposterous. I honestly can't believe that anyone would basically trash their entire public image on purpose just to be paid to act like that in a "reality" show. 

I think that's when TV programming started to get worse than it already was: reality TV. I mean come on, Survivor? A show that rewards people for surviving in a place where people already live! "I don't have my cell phone guys, this is really hard!" Ah, Daniel Tosh, telling it like it is. But I digress.

Reality shows like Flavor of Love, Next Top Model, and other assorted intellectual garbage are part of the problem. People watch this shit and think "I could be like that person!" and get their 15 minutes. The worst contributor to this smorgasbord of dumb is MTV. MTV is no longer about music. It should be called Moron TV, because that's basically the only people who watch it. I literally want to end every single person who appear on shows like "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom". Even thinking about the stupid little sluts who get knocked up just to be on TV makes my head want to explode all over the place. How people can think this shit is acceptable is beyond me.

I'll admit, every once in a while I like to watch something a little lowbrow, like Dude Where's My Car?, but that is stupidity with purpose. I don't even have a cable subscription anymore. I wouldn't watch anything that is on TV right now. Netflix streaming makes my entertainment much more awesome. It's painful to have to listen to people gush about the next True Blood episode and who their favorite douchebag is on American Idol. Seriously, who gives a fuck about some jerkoff who can sing other people's songs halfway decently? I do that at metal shows all the time, no one gives me a fucking medal.

I don't know if there is a cure for this epidemic. It's daunting to try to break into the novel business when most Americans think reading is stupid and only something huge nerds do. It's sad to see people who don't know simple things, such as the fact that Europe is not a country. Exempli gratia:

 

I can't even make this shit up. The fact that we have a show called Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? is just another nail in the coffin of our national intellect. Yes, kid in the last frame, you're right to laugh at the dumb blonde. You'll end up making more money than she'll see in her lifetime. Unless of course she marries some rich old dude *shudder*. 

If you don't read books just for the hell of it, I encourage you to do so. Go outside and read a book in the park. Watch useful shows like stuff on the History channel. Don't give a single fuck for the latest trend/fad/celebrity whore. You're better than that. Rick Santorum is challenging the president's drive to make higher education more accessible to the public. It's because dumb people are more apt to believe the religious bullshit he's peddling. I don't think anyone in this country aspires to be a garbageman or a burger-flipper. Stay intelligent, my friends, or THIS might happen to YOU:

 Death is only the beginning...

God's Master Plan - A Checklist

This is taken from the following video by Scott Clifton, who portrayed Liam in the soap opera The Bold & The Beautiful. I always wondered why he seemed like he should be on TV:

1. Decide to arrange for something other than yourself to exist.
2. Create a being by the name of Lucifer with full knowledge that this being will betray you and ultimately cause an infinite amount of suffering unnecessarily.
3. Allow an unfathomably horrific dimension of existence known as ‘hell’ to emerge created by yourself or perhaps Lucifer and allow that dimension to continue existing. Do not override or prevent such a thing. It will come into play later.
4. Create objective unchanging moral prescriptions and base them upon whatever your nature happens to be and then label any action or thought contrary to these standards ‘sin’.
5. Be sure to include in these moral prescriptions edicts for social and psychological health such as encouragement to beat ones children with a rod, permission to buy and sell slaves and will them as property to ones children for life, requirement that women not be allowed to teach or have authority over men and of course the instruction to kill anyone who expresses interest in worshiping other gods.
6. Design a physical universe, planets, animals and vegetation all with the appearance of age. Be sure to include in your creation biological flaws redundancies and over-complications that appear as if they were the product of blind cumulative processes, perhaps a urinary tract that runs straight through the prostate gland or a unnecessary appendix prone to inflation and rupturing, or maybe a respiratory and digestive system forced to share the same plumbing, (these are just a few working ideas).
7. Create a garden with a tree in it bearing fruit that when eaten provides knowledge of your objective moral standards, and create two sentient cognitive beings without knowledge or awareness of these standards and instruct them not to eat from the tree which would enlighten them (in other words, arrange it so that only AFTER they eat from the tree are they capable of understanding that doing so was a violation of objective moral standards).
8. Warn these cognitive beings that they will undoubtedly die if they eat from this tree, but don’t follow through if they do. Endow a reptile with vocal chords, lips or some other means of speaking audibly to your cognitive beings enabling it to make a convincing case to one of them for eating from the tree. Do not prevent this or intervene.
9. Now by this point make sure your cognitive beings have been equipped for reproducing themselves and multiplying, and because one of them has sinned, arrange that every single one of their descendants until the end of time will be born with an inherent sinful nature, defaulting in a future of everlasting torment. Do not by any means allow each of them to be born with a clean slate and the capacity for living a sin-free life if they desire as you did with your first two prototypes.
10. Endow these cognitive beings with a ‘soul’ which keeps their thoughts and feelings and other cognitive faculties in existence forever one way or another. And then allow the sinfulness of these beings to be incompatible with your presence and let hell be the only other place that they can go once they exit the the physical world, do not make any attempt to spare these souls the eternal torment of hell such as allowing souls to stop existing altogether or creating an additional realm for them to reside besides with you or in hell.
11. Over time allow these beings to populate the earth you’ve creating, knowing with infallible certainty of course that after so many generations they will disappoint you enough that you find it necessary to kill all of them in a global flood and start all over from scratch.
12. Now when this happens (again right on schedule) make an exception for one small family of cognitive beings who you deem righteous. Of course it goes without saying that your powers of omniscience allow you to know, again, with infallible certainty that this family too will ultimately disappoint you in the same way that those who you drowned, rendering the entire endeavor futile, but for now it’s best that you pretend not to know that.
13. Instruct this small disappointment of a family to populate the entire world all over again by way of incest.
14. Declare that until further notice the only way for these cognitive beings to rectify their sinful nature while on earth is to perform ritual animal sacrifices and other acts of senseless violence. Additionally when certain sins are committed by any one of your cognitive beings, demand that the surrounding community kill that being themselves.
15. In the meantime perform many epic miracles for all to see and intervene often with your physical creations, stop the sun in the sky, part the red sea, turn rivers into blood, and women into pillars of salt, give men superhuman strength, speak to the thousands with a booming voice from heaven etc, but before these cognitive beings become advanced enough in the areas of science and communication that they could actually document, share, playback and verify these epic miracles, make sure you stop performing them all together.
16. Decide at some point that the most pressing of your objective moral prescriptions are not as obvious to these cognitive beings as you once thought, take this opportunity to chisel your top ten moral concerns into two tablets of stone and commission one of your cognitive beings to deliver these tablets to the masses. (Note to self: Roughly half of these moral concerns should center around pleasing you, praising you and remaining loyal to you.)
17. After several thousand years impregnate one of these cognitive beings so that she gives birth to your son in physical form, who also happens to be you, at the same time.
18. Allow this cognitive being who is your son but also you to grow up and make several revisions to you/your son's original standards of morality then arrange for other cognitive beings to torture and kill you/your son, authorize this sacrifice of yourself to yourself as a means of granting all other cognitive beings immunity from the consequences of their sinful nature, which you allowed them to be born with in the first place.
19. Do not however make this sacrifice free, establish that none of these cognitive beings shall be eligible for benefits of this sacrifice unless they actively believe that it happened. In other words, despite the quality of their intentions any cognitive beings henceforth who finds themselves unconvinced these events actually took place, is unwittingly designating themselves for the endless suffering of hell.
20. With that established, be sure to refrain from making it clear and knowable to the rest of the world that these events actually took place, ensure that no cognitive being after the first century has the luxury of witnessing your son who is also you say or do anything to indicate he was a living god. Again, make sure that all of this occurs before advancements in science and technology are available to verify for those who aren’t present.
21. Arrange so that the only surviving record of these events will be offered anonymously by non-eye witnesses translated to a language different from the one you/ your son will speak written no earlier than thirty years after you/your son preformed these miracles and makes these clams, however do make sure that these records feature the precept that believing in something without evidence is morally superior to investigation and verification.
22. Be sure that after only a few decades the only accounts of these events in existence are copies of copies of copies which will be verifiably altered and added to in historically and theologically significant ways from generation to generation, sect to sect. Do not preserve the original copies of these accounts, do not protect them from revision, do not set in place any mechanism for protecting them from being interpreted in hundreds upon hundreds of ways most of which being heretical and therefore punishable.
23. Do not bother to employ your omniscience in such a way as to discern which of these cognitive beings are truly rebelling, and which simply don’t know how to distinguish you from other versions of god which do not in fact exist.
24. Do not make it clear to these beings that you are are even here. Allow for your very existence to remain an easily debatable, easily questionable, easily doubtable proposition. Allow billions and billions of souls to be unthinkably tortured for all of eternity regardless of their character, integrity, bravery, responsibility or conduct because they had not correctly assumed that the right set of propositions were true by the time their lives on earth were over.
25. And finally… when all is said and done, demand that you be praised for this plan.

It's really quite sad and pathetic that so many people actually believe this bullshit, and that it's supposed to be good and right and what we should all base our morals off of. If it weren't for the perpetuation of this nonsense we'd be out cruising the galaxy by now.

Death is only the beginning...