SO! The title of this posting (which I'm sure some of you will read in Inigo Montoya's voice, +10 internets to those who do), is something that I've been wanting to do for a long time, and just haven't felt like it was important enough/interesting enough, at least until now. This one is going to be mostly for the benefit of my personal friends, family, and other life acquaintances, however I think that those who are also struggling with finding a place in their social/family circles can take something away from this, and I don't just mean in terms of atheism. I'm also talking about those people who feel like outcasts because they're hardcore Metallians in a family of country music inbreds or hip-hop/dubstep morons (excluding that awesome rapper Greydon Square, of course), or if you're a gamer nerd who is just not understood by your jock father, or a liberal in a Republican household/town, or something equivalent. My goal with this is to just lay all the cards out on the table, as it were, and if certain people I associate with don't like it, well at least there will be no more illusions and it'll be their own fucking problem if they think I'm an evil asshole.
This is not to say I'm really hiding who I am, for fear of persecution. I just kind of avoid talking about it when around friends/family because previously, I didn't want to rock the boat. I love my family, even my aunt/uncle that think I'm an evil Satanist after they became aware of my status as a non-believer. They've gone so far as to bar their children from contacting me, because they're home-schooled (which I won't even go into how incredibly bad THAT is), and they don't want me ruining their indoctrination with pesky things like logic and critical thinking. I have several other family members who are also very religious, who I get along with, we have some good debates without getting insulting or violent. Those who know me know that I only get insulting when it's obvious that a believer doesn't want to debate, they just want to quote scripture at me and yell at me about how I'm going to hell and that I'm oppressing them with my non-belief, or if they're just being completely, ridiculously stupid for the sake of making a scene.
Even my parents, who are not firm believers (at least that's always the impression that I've gotten over the years), have requested that I "tone down the anti-God stuff, and the swearing", so I don't offend anyone. I respect them, so I've kind of kept a lid on it for the most part, although I'm not sure if they're asking me to do this to keep confrontations to a minimum or if they don't want me to embarass them.
But that's the thing, isn't it? Even doing these things to respect the wishes of my parents is not letting me be who I really am. I feel like I'm two different people: one that plays along and hides myself to fit in to the religious conservative crowd that I grew up in so as not to cause trouble when I visit family, and one that has controversial ideas/opinions that hopefully cause people to think and to question and isn't afraid to voice them. After several 'incidents', I've decided enough is enough.
The following is the kind of person I really am, with explanations as to why I am this way, in the hope that those people I care about will just accept this person without reservation. I'm also hoping that those who don't wish to associate with me after reading this will then remove me from their lives, so that I don't have to waste time arguing/listening to them spew hateful bile about how I'm wrong or evil 'just because'.
1: I am an atheist, with emphasis on anti-theism
The dreaded BIG 'A' word. Yes, I do not believe in a deity, any deity. I would also extend that to include any supposed supernatural event, relying only on the scientific method to explain the Universe and everything in it. In fact, this is the only reliable method we have for explaining how things function and exist. No, I don't hate God, there is simply no evidence for his existence. The beauty of being an atheist who relies on critical thinking is that when presented with new evidence, one's views then change to accommodate said evidence. If someone showed me peer-reviewed, factual evidence of God's existence tomorrow, I'd acknowledge said existence. I still wouldn't worship him though, because he's a gigantic DICK.
How did I come to this status? I read the Bible. Ok, that wasn't ALL there was to it, but that was the part that sealed the deal. When I was a kid in Sunday School I never though the stories told to us were anything more than that, stories. I was more concerned with getting punch and cookies later and then going home to play. I've always been into science fiction and fantasy books, and I guess I recognized that those stories were just as fictional as anything written by Terry Brooks and Isaac Asimov.
The contradictions and logical fallacies inherent in the Bible, as well as the complete lack of any credible archaeological finds that corroborate various stories in it, are what made me officially declare my rejection of religion. Plus, if you claim you're a good person, and you've read the Bible, then how the fuck can you condone all the horrible shit in there done in "God's" name? Misogyny, rape, torture, bigotry, slavery, genocide, just to name a few, and yes, those can be found in the New Testament too, not just the Old.
I am a moral person without religion, thus morality does not stem from "God". I don't believe in shit without evidence, and I don't believe in superstition and the supernatural. That's all being an atheist is. Now when I say I'm an anti-theist, that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and start oppressing theists and throwing them in prisons and shit. It just means I fight the indoctrination that churches use to keep children from forming their own opinions, I fight legislation of religious belief (like these stupid anti-gay marriage laws and anti-abortion laws) because we don't live in a fucking theocracy, and I fight the denial of science and progress in favor of blind faith and ignorance.
If that makes you think I'm evil, then so fucking be it. I will never stop until religious belief has been eradicated in favor of science, critical thinking, and rational intellect that trusts in peer-reviewed evidence rather than a Bronze Age book written by dirty goatfuckers centuries after the supposed events happened.
2: I am a centrist who leans left, I would classify myself as a liberal
In this crazy political environment that calls itself America, I identify myself as a Democrat. The reason for this is pretty simple: Republicans have gone completely off the deep-end with their platform of lies, misinformation, outright hypocrisy, promotion of theocracy and rebellion, and essentially becoming Fascists thanks to their insatiable greed that their corporate overlords are more than happy to feed. If you want to know why I say Republicans are Fascists, read my previous article.
The sad thing is, centrists like myself get marginalized. America is a land of extremes now. Balanced viewpoints and rational ideas get zero play thanks to the bullshit of Mass Media (which in my view needs to be relegated to the trash bin, I get zero news from the big networks and am more informed because of it). If it isn't sensational or outrageous, it gets no airtime, and thus our common sense ideas and views are ignored.
I don't really WANT to identify as a Democrat, since there are a few (a VERY few) shady things going on there as well, HOWEVER: on the whole, the Democratic Party is doing more to promote progress and halt the advance of corporate oligarchy and plutocracy than anyone else right now. Liberals have their far off-center crazies too who scream about drone attacks and the NDAA, but honestly, these issues are non-issues, especially in the context of how shit is failing right now, and it's all thanks to the Tea Party and their vast GOP support.
I stand for EVERYONE being equal, discrimination is bullshit. Color, sexual orientation/identity, age, weight, nationality, none of that MATTERS. We're all PEOPLE. Stop acting like this shit affects the way you live, because it FUCKING DOESN'T.
I stand for scientific progress and education. The science deniers and education de-funders want to make everyone dumber, because dumb people are easy to control (see Tea Party). Like Morpheus said: Free your mind. Think. Learn. That's what these people hate the most.
I stand for common sense legislation, not legislation based on crazy feelings or religious belief. Despite what the Tea Party officials lie to their base about, this nation is NOT, in fact, a Christian nation, it's a nation for EVERYONE, and religion is a PERSONAL FUCKING MATTER. It has no place in government, and honestly, churches should immediately lose their tax-exempt status, as they no longer do the things they once did to need that status, IE feed/shelter the homeless, the sick, the injured, the destitute. Oh, they have little dinner events once in a while, but that's more to ease their collective consciences than out of any real desire to help people. Meanwhile they use all those donations to build gigantic megachurches in the fucking South. Yeah, don't think that's what that was meant for.
Additional to the above, common sense legislation means just that. You don't need to be able to purchase a fucking assault rifle, as you're not in the military or national guard. Claims that it is for home defense are bullshit, it's just so you can compensate for some character flaw. Math proves that gun control works to prevent shooting deaths, the statistics are out there. Lobbyists need to go the fuck away, in fact, all money needs to be taken out of influencing government, and gov't salaries need to be DRASTICALLY reduced. There's no reason these assholes get to make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, working for less than 1/3 of the year, and doing almost nothing while they're there. I bust my ass to make $25,000, and I'm better off than a LOT of other people.
If you object to any of these above stances, then you need to take off your tinfoil hat, remove the American flags from your lawn, and take one of your guns and eat a fucking bullet. Harsh? Maybe, but I'll tell you, I've just about had it with mentally deficient bigots and assholes demonizing me for being rational and compassionate. I know lots of others have too, and if we can get rid of these whackjobs like old Turtlehead McConnell and Lyin' Ryan, then maybe we can fucking MOVE ON.
3: I am an introvert, NOT anti-social
People think I'm anti-social, that I don't like people. I would say that that is false, with one qualifying statement: I DO hate people, but only the ignorant dipshits who think angels are real and having an arsenal will protect you from bad guys.
What I am is introverted. A lot of times, I just don't need to be with people all the time. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm very selective about who I'm friends with, which is why I don't have very many friends. As the saying goes: Quality wins over quantity. This is also partially why I am without a special lady friend most of the time. The quality women are more than likely ALSO introverted, and thus are not out partying/bar-hopping and are therefore not available to chat up in social settings. I have certain things I require in someone I wish to associate with, and I refuse to compromise on those. I refuse to settle.
If that means I'll be alone for the rest of my life, with only a few friends for company, SO FUCKING BE IT. I'd rather that than have my awareness filled with rampant pointlessness and idiotic drivel from the people who make up this Idiocratic nation now. This is why I don't have a television subscription, because I prefer to not have my brain infected with the stupidity that is popular culture, or be told that the way I am is wrong. Being a 'nerd' or 'geek' is not something to be ashamed of. Shit, I wish we had MORE nerds and geeks, we desperately need them to help us move forward scientifically and technologically.
I prefer the solitude of my own thoughts, for the most part. I'm a writer (obviously), and spinning new worlds and new stories out of nothing but my own imagination is more entertaining to me than anything else I could be doing. I don't like to drink, I don't like to go to bars/clubs, I'll go to the occasional low-key house party, or to a raging Heavy Metal show (my one concession to being outgoing), but for the most part, I enjoy my living space and the things I can do within, rather than without. If that gets me painted as anti-social, then you're probably not someone I care to associate with, like the many, MANY others as outlined by my previous two points.
4: I am a sci-fi/fantasy gamer nerd. This is not a bad thing
As I explained about, nerds and geeks automatically get this negative label, which is completely untrue. I felt like this deserved it's own section, since it is a huge part of who I am. Ironically, it's all my dad's fault, since he bought us an Atari 2600 back in the day, and honestly he had JUST AS MUCH FUN WITH IT as I did. Now he thinks it's a huge waste of time :P
So yes, my journey began with that Atari, then when I was 9 I saved up all my pennies and bought an NES for a whopping $100 (yes, lots of chores were done to accomplish this). I also had various PC games to play with on our old IBM-XT. Yes, you heard that right. I was a master of DOS and BASIC back in the day. From there I got various other consoles as time went on, and continuously upgraded my PC to play better and better games.
I started playing MMO's when I was in college, starting with Ultima Online: T2A. That, and Asheron's Call on Darktide were the most fun I've ever had in my entire gaming career. Being able to attack and kill anyone at any time for being a stupid, childish asshole, taking their stuff, and making them quit the game to make it better for the rest of us, was just fucking beautiful. Sadly, the gaming trend started to move towards homogenizing gameplay to make niche games "fun for everyone", because corporations like EA and Activision started to buy these small game companies out and attempt to maximize profits by dumbing shit down (I'm looking at you, Madden series).
I also got my start in scifi thanks to my mom introducing me to Star Trek (yes, she's a Trekkie). I started with the original series, which was excellent for what it was, and I really wish more shows focused less on flashy effects and more on epic storytelling. That's why Star Trek was so good. That of course branched out into other scifi shows like Stargate, Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, and then into certain anime like Evangelion and Lodoss War. Note: I despise almost all anime except for a certain few quality ones. All the rest are pretty much shit like every other cartoon out there now.
My fantasy roots stem from my highschool library, where I signed out a copy of Dragonflight by Anne McCaffrey. I devoured that and the other Pern books in short order, and began exploring for more magical worlds to explore, leading to Terry Brooks' Shannara series (still ongoing), as well as Modesitt's Recluce saga, and of course, Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time epic.
So why do I put all this in a separate section? Because of the societal view of 'nerds' as bad people, as automatically inferior to those who are social or who are jocks. I was never very athletic, and the only highschool sport I played was on the Golf team. My strengths were my vast intellect and my mental agility. This earned me no end of derision from classmates growing up, and still gets me snide remarks even today at the age of 33. I don't know if it's because people are intimidated by my intelligence, or if they're just dicks, but either way, it gets very tiresome, and has shaped my introversion as described above.
Gamers and scifi nerds are normal people just like everyone else. Just because we enjoy stories about things that don't exist for entertainment purposes doesn't mean you're better than we are. Without us, you wouldn't be able to play stupid trash games on your shitty iPhone 5.
5: I don't take shit from anyone. Period.
I have never been very strong or athletic, even when I was younger and in good physical shape. I've only gotten enraged enough to the point of trading blows a handful of times, and gotten my ass beat each time, all as a kid growing up. I was always the one who got in trouble for fighting back, too, because obviously I must have done something to provoke the bully into bullying me /sarcasm.
Once I got into highschool I resolved to never take shit from anyone ever again. I came to this realization after a particularly nasty kid who was a new transfer decided I was a prime target and was relentless in his persecution of me. As I have said, I'm not a strong man, so I used the only weapon I had: my ability with words. I defended myself with such biting insults and excessive sarcasm that after only a few episodes of public humiliation, he left me alone completely. Others attempted to take his place, and all were put in their place by my razor-sharp wit.
I was never vindictive, never became the bully, never harassed them, I merely kept them from beating me to a pulp by shaming them publicly. This garnered me a fair amount of respect from others, which was surprising as hell to me, and ultimately, led to those bullies apologizing to me for being colossal dicks, of their own volition.
Sadly, this shit still happens in my adult life, and the anonymity of the internet allows many others to get away with this crap. While my reflexes may not be as sharp, I can still deliver a scathing rebuke that will leave people scratching their heads while others laugh.
This phrase was actually given solidity after seeing the 1998 film Dirty Work for the first time. Norm MacDonald is awesome, and not taking no crap from nobody became one of my personal mantras. If you haven't seen the movie... do yourself a favor and do so.
I don't take shit from anyone. If you want to start something, or try to insult or belittle me, you had best be prepared to have your ass handed to you, because I can guarantee you that you are not my equal in the field of offense. This also applies to people who try to make me feel ashamed for standing up for myself and my views. Just because I don't agree with you, and you don't want to have an honest debate about it, does not give you the right to give me a ration of shit and try to discredit me. Seriously, FUCK you.
6: I AM A METALHEAD. THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE
Yup, saving the best for last. I am a Metalhead, a Metallian, a Rockaholic, to the motherfucking CORE. There is NO genre of music better than Metal, especially not in the last 30 years. Heavy Metal is so diverse that there is a genre for everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE. Heavy Metal will never die, it just keeps getting stronger, despite what critics desperately want to believe.
This all started back in the 80's, where in West Bumfuck, VT, all there was to listen to was the local country station. I despise country music. Words cannot describe how boring and pointless it is. My only salvation was WVTC, the local college radio station, where I could tune in and listen to other, forbidden forms of music, like Metal, and 80's pop (which was actually very good and another of my faves). Started with AC/DC, moved on into Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, and Metallica. In highschool I got into Rage Against the Machine, as well as some good grunge like Soundgarden and Nirvana.
It wasn't until I was in college that I was able to express my newfound Metallian status with the advent of my own radio show on the very same station. Granted, it was from 6-9 on Saturday nights, and there weren't many listeners, but even if I only reached one kid, just like I was, then it was all worth it.
The biggest reason why I'm a diehard Metallian for life, is because of the Metal culture. It's very accepting, mainly because for the most part, we were the outcasts, we didn't fit in with all the rest who listen to the latest shit from Britney Spears or N'Sync. There's a different genre of Metal to suit anyone's taste, really. I can guarantee you there's a specific flavor out there for everyone. I have a friend who is a huge country fan, shitkickers and all, however amazingly, she fucking loves GWAR, which is so bizarre that I still can't really wrap my head around that one. It's awesome though because it proves my point exactly: There is a genre of Metal for EVERYONE.
Yes, there are a few Metalheads who act like dicks and complain about certain types of Metal being lame and those who like it being "posers", but they're few and far between, and we generally ignore them. I enjoy all Metal, some more than others definitely, but I can always find something worthwhile in any band, from Cannibal Corpse to Dio to Nine Inch Nails. We are all Metallians here, and there's a sense of brotherhood and camaraderie that don't really exist with any other type of music or its fans. I also love the epicness and the in your face attitude that Metal presents to the world. The best Metal songs are those that are about how awesome Heavy Metal is.
So yes, I am a diehard Metallian. I revere the Metal Messiahs and give thanks to the Lord Halford for bringing us this abundance of badassery. Besides, it's just plain FUN to rock the fuck out with your mates, sing at the top of your lungs with some epic Metal shrieks, and just be awesome for it's own sake.
So there you have it. These are the things that make up who I am. I hope this has cleared up any confusion for those who might have thought otherwise, and I hope that others are able to identify with parts of this and can use it to help get their own thoughts out there and clear up any misconceptions about themselves.
I'm not writing this in the hope that I'll be universally accepted. I'm fully comfortable with who I am, it's everyone else who isn't comfortable with who I am. I could give a fuck about being accepted. I'm just tired of trying to fit in with the "sacred cow" that is the family unit and various familial connections, and to essentially say: "This is me. Don't like it? That's just too fucking bad." If that means you want to cut me out of your life, or unfriend me, or whatever, then fucking go for it dude. I'm through keeping quiet for the sake of not upsetting family members or borderline friends. Here I am, and I'm gonna rock you like a fucking hurricane. METALLIANS! WE MARCH!!
FOR METALLLLL!!!!!!
Death is only the beginning...
